OH GOOD GRIEF!! God has a sense of humor!

For 13 years I had been praying for Mike to start going to mass regularly. When we were dating he used to go along with me, but after we were married it became less and then only on holidays. Before, I had even met Mike, I had imagined how married life would be, and my faith was a large part of that. So when he chose not to attend mass regularly, I felt the wind knocked out of my sails. Instead of sailing forth to experience new adventures together, I felt let down, abandoned and lonely during an important part of my life. When Kristin, our daughter was old enough, I used to send her in as we were about to leave for church, to ask Mike if he was coming with us. Most of the time it was a negative answer, but hopefully I had made him feel guilty.

When I had first met Mike he had already had a bad skiing accident and had been through several surgeries. So, for as long as I have known him he has always had to cope with pain. Despite this in our early years we shared a lot of activities. As the surgeries and pain increased his mobility decreased. He began to spend more time watching TV. And as he withdrew more into that world, he became less aware of what was going on in the lives of his family – he stopped asking questions or perhaps never heard our replies. We still spent a lot of time together but conversation was limited to small talk. There were times when I wanted to discuss something but felt I had to make an appointment. There were even times when jokingly, Mike told me to hold that thought until there was a commercial. This would just make me angry and I didn’t bother to share what I wanted to say.

I don’t enjoy watching a lot of TV myself, so I turned to many craft and D.I.Y. projects. Like Mike’s TV addition, this became mine. There have been times when we have been on vacation, when I have caught myself thinking about the work I could get done if I hadn’t taken the time off. I have pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. At one time I was actually looking forward to an operation – or at least the recovery period when I would be confined to bed for a week and would have to stay out of work for a couple of months. I could visualize lying in bed, with 2 or 3 plumped up pillows while Kris or Mike brought me my meals. I was surrounded by all those photos that I wanted to put in a scrapbook, but didn’t have the time to sort through before. It didn’t take place that way however, as Mike had surgery a few weeks later and he became the patient. I felt sorry for myself and resentful towards him, feeling how unfair it was that I couldn’t be the one being looked after for a change. I didn’t say anything but stored those feelings away so that I could take them out at a later date whenever I was experiencing a bout of self-pity.

During the weekend we opened our hearts, shared our thoughts and fears and then went on to dream and plan for the future. It felt like the period of engagement when we were making plans for our married life. It re-vitalized our love. From that day we chose to make Marriage Encounter a way of life.

Did I mention that God has a sense of humor! I just prayed for Mike to get back to going to mass regularly. Well, I got that and much more. Like a tornado, I was sucked into the whole experience along with Mike. I guess God figured there were changes I needed to make as well. We were fired up to get involved. Our friends and family saw the change in us. After going through a series of meetings, a form of transition, we joined a circle. Our closest friends are those in our circle. Over the years we have shared intimate feelings with them that we wouldn’t with our own parents. We have gone on picnics, vacations and retreats together. Our daughter has grown up with this group and today, she takes with her the knowledge that marriage is about two people making the decision to continually work at their relationship with the help and support of a community.  In fact after her marriage she attended her own Marriage Encounter Weekend.

We could have gone it alone with the tools that were given to us on the weekend but consider, if I were on a diet. I am more likely to succeed if I show up for the weekly meetings and weigh-ins at weight watchers then if I tried to go it alone.

There have been so many times that we have found ourselves slipping back into the old habits without realizing – it can’t be avoided. Our culture puts pressure on us to behave or follow certain ways. It can take that circle meeting, that month’s presentation; the dialogue question or the sharing that brings you back on track. You also know that you have friends who love you, will pray for you and want to see your relationship grow.

God has put us on this earth not just to survive it but to change it. When we have a strong relationship with our spouse that can trickle down through our family, community and beyond.